haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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