I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
