I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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