I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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