Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
