New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
