Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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