sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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