Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
