I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
