Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
