i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
