just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bring me that man meat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
