Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
