I could have mohawked her pubes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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