A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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