Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
