I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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