batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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