you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
