idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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