you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
