We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I deserve this hangover.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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