we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
