Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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