all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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