im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
