Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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