my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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