everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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