i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
