She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
