just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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