My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
