im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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