So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
