I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Congratulations! We have a period
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
