Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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