I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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