I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
