oh god the rape fog is back!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
