I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
