I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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