We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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