I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
