I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
