We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
