Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
