I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
