I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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