I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
4 words: hood of his car
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
