I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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